Crystal Castles Makes Me Shake My Moneymaker!

Lol, I can't stress how much I fucking love CC. I've been on this jawn since early '08 when I nearly killed the CD at the radio station. It rekindled my love for all things dance and electronica. As a DJ at the college radio station, we have to make a yearly list of out top ten records. I noticed that at least seven of my spots were dance albums (the exception being Adele's "19"). Crystal Castles was up there, along with Cut Copy and the new Shiny Toy Guns (which is so fucking bomb.com). Damn I love music. Check out Crystal Castles. I recommend the following songs: Alice Practice, Crimewave, Knights, and Black Panther.

This entry comes about mainly from boredom. I really shouldn't be bored, with writing the "Always and Never" sequel and my brand new story (which I'm kinda proud of). But alas, here I am, dicking around on my blog.

Things are going okay. I'm leaving for West Va. tomorrow. Back to the grind. I work the New Year's party at the club and I'm uber pumped only because we have to dress nice. Lol, I love band shirts, but damn it's nice to look like a girl once in awhile. Okay, I'm going to be honest...the only reason I'm super excited is because I get to wear a tie. I've never had to before. I can't wait to bring out my inner Annie Hall.

I saw The Spirit yesterday. Totally sick. Samuel L was badass as always. It's so unlike Sin City. While the latter was serious and darkly humorous, The Spirit is supposed to be campy and dark humor. The villians are ridiculous (Paz Vega's sword-wielding temptress is named Plaster au Paris) and the action is over the top, but in a good way. I wish it was a bit darker like the comics, but all in all it wasn't bad. Oh yeah, and Eva Mendes...mmm, she's totally added to that list of "Chicks I'd Go Gay For". I think I've seen all her no-no bits and she's just smokin' hot.

Someday I'll publish that list. I suppose I'll put up my list of "Hot Ass Men That Could Tear It Up" too. That's a list of guys my best friend and I compiled of guys we know and celebrities we think can lay some bomb ass pipe (or tear it the hell up). The top of her list? Gerard Butler, simply because she wants him to yell "This...is...SPARTA!" right before orgasm. LOL.

At the top of mine? No contest. CLIVE MOTHERFUCKING OWEN. Or Henry Cavill. Or Jonathan Rhys-Meyers. Gale Harold, Takeshi Kaneshiro, Pharell Williams...okay I'm getting ahead of myself.. *Shudder*. And then of course there's the epic "Hot Older Men I'd Bone" playlist, consisting of such favorites as Benecio del Toro, Andy Garcia, Robert DeNiro, and D.L. Hughley.

Lol, so as you can see...I'm apparently feeling much better as my normal "guy appreciation" side returns. (as opposed to boy-crazy. I'm too fucking old for that title.)

I should get back to writing. In my next entry I'll post the pictures for "Getting Over Edie". I think I'm going to start submitting stories to The Chamber, starting with "GOE". I've been reading the stuff over there and those chicks are totally live. You should definitely give a look-see.

Ooh, I totally forgot! I went to Hot Topic yesterday (I am so ashamed of myself) to get new jewelery for my lip ring and I found the most epic of epics.



One of my favorite albums of 2007. I found it on vinyl for 15 bucks and nearly gasm'd.

And so ends my ridiculously long and pointless entry about nothing. Cheers!

Decisions, Decisions...

I hope a Merry Christmas was in store for each and every one of my readers.

After a lot of deliberations and countless drafts, I've decided to write another part to "Always and Never". At the time, I really didn't see the point of continuing the story. But after I read (and re-read) the damn thing I realized I just couldn't end it that way. There were so many emails (which I still need to respond to. Don't worry, I'm working my way through them) from you guys, talking about your own experiences with relationships of a similar emotional nature. As someone put it,, giving Rachel the ending she deserved was a lot better than the ending she would get in real life.

I think I can satisfy my inner writer and still produce a great read for you. To be honest, I'm a little intimated by "Always and Never". It's uncharted territory, writing a female character so emotionally weak and fragile. They tend to annoy the balls outta me. And don't even get me started on asshole guys. So not attractive. But I found it was easier to do so in this case because it was something I really went through. For the first (and last time, real talk) I was that weak girl, giving in because of eagerness to please.

I judged Rachel, even when I was writing her and that bitterness comes out in my writing. Even when I was writing her character, after everything I went through I tried not to like her. There was so much of me in her. And now that I'm not as hurt and as angry as I was writing the first part, I fear I've lost that raw pain that was so evident. When I say this story drained me, I mean REALLY. It was tough to write and I never read it fully until a few days ago. That's when I realized it was begging for a aequel.

So I've put fingers to keyboard. I know that the only way I'll be able to move on with my other works is by getting this damn beast that is "Always and Never" out of my head and onto the paper. I won't give you an exact time frame for the story. My new semester doesn't start until January 12th, so I've got some time.

In other news, I got some kickass Christmas prezzies. I finally got my XBOX 360, the new Guitar Hero, Tomb Raider: Underworld, and my favorite: Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe! OMG, it's going to be so cool kicking Batman's ass. Marvel Comics fo' life.

Dorkdom aside, the reason I'm so anxious to get "Always and Never" out is because I'm itching to work on this new story I've got rolling around. I've started the first chapter already and it's looking promising. It's called "Getting Over Edie" and it's about a writer who gets dumped and the steps he takes to mend his broken heart. (LOL, sound familiar?) I know, two breakup stories back-to-back. But this one is different. There's a lot of humor mixed in with the heart. And I'm trying something new: writing in first person from the male perspective. I've never done that before and with a novel-type story. But I'm up to the challenge.

Anywho, I should probably get back to writing. I wanted to include the soundtrack for "Always and Never". It's just songs I've been listening to during my own drama and stuff that's fueled my creativity. Hope you enjoy!

Merry Christmas

As promised, here is my pre-Christmas post. Things are going rather well. I'm writing again. As I said on my profile at Lit, I don't know whether or not I'm going to continue "Always and Never". At this point, I'm not sure where to take the story and I don't want to drop the ball. I do know that things could never end happily, as in Rachel can never really be with Brendan. For her to continue such a toxic relationship...just wouldn't be cool. Although sadly, it's a reality for some women.

Speaking of, your many concerns for me touched my heart. I'm doing okay, taking it one day at a time. I didn't want to say this on Lit, because it's such a public venue, but I can say it here 'cause it's my damn blog and if you're reading this, it's clearly a sign you really want to know more about me and my work. Just to set the record straight, I was NOT involved with a married man. I was in a situation with a guy (a much older guy...about 9 years or so) who was very set in his ways. He was adamant, always saying "you know what I want, and how I want it". It was always his way, and if I disagreed, he said it was because i was immature or scared of the relationship.

It was always what he wanted. In his defense, I never told him what I really wanted because honestly it never matched up to his desires. We had things in common, but I wasn't ready to move to where he lived and change my whole life on a fantastical whim (and with good reason, apparently). At first, I considered him a friend, because he made me laugh, and then that friendship grew deeper when he admitted he had feelings for me. I started liking him, but in the back of my mind, I knew that being with him just wasn't for me. I never said anything because I was afraid. I'd always been the girl guys had as a friend. I was never the girlfriend. And here it was, this really handsome guy paying me attention, saying he wanted me and wanted to be with me.

So I gave in, let those feelings wash over me. I began to change myself in ways i knew would make him happy, doing things that turned him on because seeing him that way gave me pleasure. But after awhile I realized that I was changing a lot. I was losing weight for myself, but it was an added bonus when he asked about it. And then when he kept asking about it, or picking out outfit and trying to dress me up in things that SO were not me...wheels starting turning.

While there wasn't an "other woman" situation (I mean, until later, I always felt like the other woman, competing with that altered, fake ass image of what he was trying to mold me into. I took it, like a dumbass, never speaking up...until I reached my breaking point. Once that happened, I couldn't stop. I told him how I felt, and he responded by cutting off contact. I haven't spoken to him in almost two weeks. At first it was hard. REALLY hard. I cried a lot. I never cry. I think I've shed more tears in the past weeks than in my entire life. I've never been an emotional person, but this shit broke my heart. Really. Everything ached. To go from someone loving you one day, to tossing you away like a dirty rag doll...fuck, that's just torture.

But after I wrote him that cordial and sweet but slightly acidic "fuck you" letter, I was happy. I felt a weight being lifted because I finally realized that changing myself to make others happy ain't making me happy. I love my life. I've got an amazing fam, great friends, a place to live, ALCOHOL, comic books, music, and a better sense of who I am and who I want to be. It's amazing how hard it is to really see these things when your heart is breaking.

So now, I take it one day at a time, as my best friend told me to do. There are days when I still think about him; when I wish that when it's that signal for a text, it would be him saying 'good morning' or 'i love you'. Sometimes I find myself looking at my cell, willing him to call. I'll think about whether he's thinking about me; if he misses talking to me, or my 7AM wake up calls just so he could hear my voice before he left for work.

Yeah, I think about these things but I don't dwell. As hard as it sounds, it's time for me to move on. He apparently has.

So I raise my glass of champagne I'm currently sipping (I am so classy) to myself. And to all of you. Have a Merry Christmas, and don't forget to tell the people in your life that you love them.

I know i heart all of you.

There's a lot in store for nerd4music fans in the new year.

Happy Monday!

Never thought I'd ever say those words. Indeed, I am quite happy. I'm two assignments away from finishing up the longest semester ever, I'm going home for the holidays one day earlier than expected, and my new story is FINALLY up!

'Tis the season.

I always get a little blue around New Year's, but since I'll be spending it working at the club, it shouldn't be so bad. For those of you that don't know, I work at as a door girl, checking IDs at one of the clubs here in Morgantown. It's pretty interesting work.

New Year's is going to be interesting. Although part of me is always secretly jealous of happy couples kissing at midnight. I start to wonder how much I'm missing out on. But then I think about the MAJOR fucking bullet I just dodged this past season and then I say thank you Jesus for letting some of that good sense my Mommy gave me actually sink into my hard head. Lord knows she yelled enough. For those of you who didn't have the pleasure of growing up with a West Indian momma, they tend to yell more, and guilt trip. It's no wonder I get along with my Jewish friends so well. (LOL)

Anyway, I should probably grab some food before I head out on the road. I'll try to post once more before Christmas, but if I don't...Have a safe and wonderful Holiday everyone!

I Wish...

Hey, all.

I wish I could stop writing about how shitty my week has been. I've been ridiculously sick and dealing with drama that has made it difficult to write, or think of anything else. I'm sorry to lay on this out on here, but I haven't had time, with the end of the semester slapping at my back and the promise of a reprieve in the holidays.

You know, I never really noticed, but it's true. Breaking up fucking sucks. I never really had to do it before. The only other relationship I've ever had ended amicably because we knew that we were better friends than whatever the hell we were pretending to be. I realized I'm just not the kind of girl to do "relationships". I know, everyone my age tends to say that, and yeah it sounds like trite bullshit. But for some of us, it's true.

I'm a lot wiser than I was five months ago. It was hard for the past weeks to write anything. My frame of thinking was: how can I write about people falling in love when I can't seem to make it work for me? But then I realized what I thought was love really wasn't. It was mostly depending on someone else, someone who wasn't treating me the way I deserve. I put up with it because I thought I wouldn't be able to find someone else who was interested.

Such bullshit. Sometimes I just want to kick myself. But you know, you live and you learn. And I leave 2008 a little battered and bruised but a helluva lot smarter. I will never let someone affect my writing like that. Ever. And I realize that in this world, you can truly and only count on yourself. But that doesn't mean there aren't genuine people in your life that you shouldn't mistrust either.

I think I'm a better person overall, having gone through this hoopla. I've learned what I don't want to be in a relationship: meek, nonchalant, going with the flow because I think that's what he wants. I've never been narcissistic, but maybe it's time to be a little selfish. After all, if I don't take care of me, who's going to?

This entry and my latest story is my call to arms. I'm standing up for what I want, for all the good I deserve in life.

It feels spectacular. I've got that renewal vibe going on. It feels almost American Beauty-esque. (One of my favorite movies, by the way). When he says "I feel like I've been asleep for the past 20 years and it's like I'm finally waking up."

I can totally relate.

'Tis Friday and I rejoice!

Hey guys!

I'm coming off one of the worst weeks I've had in a long ass time. I think 2008 is definitely on par with 2006 as the worst year EVER. I don't want to go too much into detail. It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I'm trying to stay positive and not think about it. If I do, I might need a bottle of hard liquor to cope.

Anyway, these angsty feelings have helped me writing-wise. I wrote ten pages last night for a new story. And as for Always and Never, I submitted it, the story got rejected for some damn reason and now I'm working to correct it right now. I'll be resubmitting it tonight and it should be up next week. I know, I've been killing you guys with the damn suspense. But I promise it'll be worth it.

Oh, and by the way, the photo I used for my female inspiration in the story is actress K.D. Aubert. Girl is seriously SMOKING hot. She's definitely on my list of chicks I'd go gay for. Number one will always be Salma Hayek. Ever seen a little movie called "From Dusk 'Til Dawn"? Sweet God, I'd totally go lesbian for her.



Anywho, I should totally get back to work. I've got some homework to take care of. While the rest of the campus is pretty much finished with exams and shit, my grad classes don't end until next week. Dammit.

Winter

Not only the current season, but the song I keep listening to. Yes, Joshua Radin has invaded my thoughts once more. It seems like lately all I've been doing is listening to music. That's not unusual, I suppose. But it's all I'm doing. I can't seem to focus on writing. Every time I try to put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard my mind wanders. I can't seem to contain my focus and my work (and you guys) are suffering because of it.

I'd like to apologize. But sometimes I go through these stages where writing doesn't seem as fun as it used to. Today, and most of Sunday was an especially bad time for me. I can't seem to concentrate on anything but what happened and it's affecting me more than I want it to.

Sigh. The New Year needs to start. Pronto.

Comcast, how I loathe thee

My internet is fucked. Apparently the signal for the webs is weak so I can't get on the internet at my apartment.

Seeing as how all my damn classes are online, not to mention maintaining this blog, writing stories, and other time wasters...this not having convenient internet thing is really starting to drive me banana sandwich.

Ugh.

So this is why I'm not online a lot, why I can't get my stories done quickly, and why I'm going to lose my motherfucking mind. Damn you, Comcast.

On the bright side, at least I'll be going home to the parentals' house next week for Thanksgiving. Hot and cold running Internet and all the comforts of being at home. Mmm, real food. I can't wait.

I'm still trying out new templates for this thing. The ones on file are damn terrible. I don't think I like this one too much though. Definitely bland.

Paper Bag

Ahh, another Wednesday!

Got one assignment done, and nearly ready to start the other one so naturally I'm procrastinating. Not much news to report. My best friend (or BFF...we pronounce it as "boof") is coming in this weekend and I'm super pumped. I haven't seen her in about two or three months. Too bad I have to work this weekend but there's always the daytime.

So, my inner perfectionist has decided to not post Always and Never until next week. There's a lot of shit I need to clean up, lots of detail to add. Plus, homework has completely dominated my computer for the past two weeks and it's hard to get some creative time in that doesn't involve looking at ads and updating my graded blog (which I still haven't done).

In other news, still no interwebs at the house yet. Hopefully that will change by tomorrow. But in the meantime, I'll leave you with this playlist.

The first song is "Paper Bag" (and the title of this entry) by Fiona Apple. Last week, when I was going through a ridiculously rough time, this song was perfect.

And today, I was watching Dan in Real Life. If you haven't seen it, definitely check it out. I've never been an emotional person, but I was definitely getting misty-eyed. One part in particular was when Steve Carell and Dane Cook are singing "Let My Love Open the Door". Not only is that one of my FAVORITE songs, it totally fits the scene.

I also added the original versions by Pete Townsend.

Well, back to the homework grind. Have a great Wednesday, guys!

Rock on!

--S

A Quickie (Haha)

Okay so this is going to be short, 'cause technically I'm supposed to be working on homework for two classes. I really fucking hate having two online classes at the same time, in the same program, because everything is due on the same day. I'm going to need something akin to a miracle to write two 4-6 paged papers before 11;55 tonight. One shouldn't be so bad, but the other one is going to be harder than a virgin in a whorehouse. (LOL, well at least I know my creativity isn't lacking)

Speaking of, I'm out of my funk. Not entirely, but I've been talking things out and it's helped a lot. I'm slowly trying to get myself organized. My apartment is kind of a mess, and I desperately need to get my homework schedule down and stop waiting until the last minute. I'm trying, but I need to work harder.

In other news, I'm going to Charleston tomorrow with my friend so she and her sister can vote. I love a good road trip. I voted two Fridays ago (absentee ballot, FTW!) so I'm all set. Tomorrow's going to be historical, wherever your may fall on the political spectrum. So if you haven't already done so, GET THE FUCK OUT AND VOTE! That's pretty much all I'm gonna say about politics on this blog. EVER.

So, my modem has decided to be an angry whore and die on me. It's really inconvenient because now I have to make time to go to the Comcast store and fucking hurl it at them (I mean, delicately explain to them what the situation is). Needless to say, I'm not happy. The dude on the phone actually had the nerve to tell me it was my network adapter in my BRAND NEW laptop that wasn't working because it couldn't possibly be their craptacular machine.

Who feels like the tool now? So, I'm without the internet at the house until about Wednesday or Thursday. I'm at WVU's library, which is fine by me. I can't get work done in my house anymore and plus there's cappuccino here. Score. (Which could explain why I'm so hyper.)

Sigh. Homework sucks, but I gotta get going on it. Whenever I'm finished, I'll be posting my new story on Lit. Blame Comcast for the delay.

Until next time!

--S.

Playlist, Life Updates, etc.

God, I hate Wednesdays. It's the time when I have to do the most work for my classes. Discussion questions must be posted, lessons must be read, and to be honest I'm kind of sick of having to be creative. Oh well. It's the life of a student.

In other news, I'm seriously considering taking a sabbatical from drinking. Earlier this week I had a ridic episode that someone had to witness (or listen to, as it is). I'm sorry about that. Normally I don't tend to be a basketcase, but there's been a lot of unnecessary stress that I'm slowly trying to get rid of. So tonight I don't think I'll be drinking at the bar.

I know a lot of people are wondering what's going on with my writing. Well to be honest, I haven't been feeling as awesome as I used to about my work. Yes, from time to time I do get a little intimidated and insecure about my work. But then I realized that there are always going to be people out there that are "better" writers. I put better in quotations because even though we may write erotica, our styles are completely different. We don't have the same experiences or go through the same emotions.

Plus, I'm still young. I have more than enough time to perfect and sharpen my skills. While I know all this, it does get a little hard to keep that tiny green monster at bay. I'll keep on trying, you know?

I don't know how publishing is going to go for me. I was given an offer a while ago and recently my work and bio had subsequently been removed from the site without any notice. It's very frustrating and kind of unprofessional but no matter. I suppose that these things aren't always meant to be. And maybe I'm just reading things the wrong way or overanalyzing (like I tend to do ALL the time). Truthfully, I haven't updated as I should or kept on top of things but my life has been kind of crazy and when it really boils down to it: writing will always be my favorite hobby but my life and getting things in order will always come first.

Anywho, basically all I'm saying is...give me some time. I haven't forgotten about you guys. I just...things have really been hard for me. But I'm back now and I promise to stay around for awhile.

I mean, it is clearly my responsibility to bring music and wonderment. (LOL, I sound so freaking narcissistic right there).

So, I'm gonna post a playlist of songs I've been listening to lately. These little numbers have been helping get my thoughts down on paper (or Word, whatever) and been keeping me sane. I'm almost finished with Always and Never. I decided to revamp it, as it needed to be longer and a lot more detailed. It should be up in a few.

As always, take care until next time!

Rock on!

--S

Country Roads and other Goodies

Hey guys!

Thanks for all the comments and feedback. I'm so glad you guys are feeling the blog idea. It really is the best way for me to update you on the happenings with my writings and my ridiculously boring (I mean fascinating!) life.

This is gonna be a short one. I just recently came back from partying it up. Celebrating my West Virgina football team kickin' some Auburn ass. That's right folks. I am a WVU Mountaineer and DAMN proud. It was one of the best games I've seen in a while, and I'm not even an American football fan.

Needless to say, our Mountaineer reputation is much improved. And like most people know, we are the ULTIMATE when it comes to partying. Our motto here at WVU? Win or lose, we still booze!

Anywho, back to things. I will actually post the revised version of Used sometime soon. It's an ending that might upset people but I really believe it keeps the story intact. I got a lot of shit for the posted ending and I will agree it really was weak. It wasn't what I was planning on doing, but I got sucked into the notion of happily ever after. And sometimes that won't always be the case, you know?

So yeah. I'll be posting a playlist soon. It's just a bunch of songs that I'm into.

Oh, and this is new. I'm also giving up the cast pictures for my new story. I normally don't write my pieces with specific actors in mind. But the personalities and looks definitely coincide.

The cast for Always and Never:


The Guy The Girl













Hotness, right? I know. Catch you guys later. Let's GOOOOOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINEERS!

Always and Never

Here's an excerpt from my latest short story Always and Never. I am nearly finished the rewrite and I'll be submitting it to LitE in a few days.

"I see you," he said quietly. Her body pulsed hungrily at the sound of his voice, the timbre so low and masculine. The man simply smoldered. He had the power to soak her panties with just a few words. Another reason to stick around.

She was silent; a small part of her hoped if she was quiet enough he would hang up, giving her the leverage to leave.

But she knew that wasn't going to happen. He wouldn't have to say a word and she would still comply. He would get what he wanted; he always did.

"Why are you sitting in the car? Come in here."

She could hear his breath catch in his throat. He was already stroking himself. He loved to do that while on the phone with her. The rare times he called her at work, she would imagine him seated in his high-rise office, pants undone, a ragged breath coming out slight and sharp as he fondled his balls and whispered for her to tell him what she planned to do to him the next time they were together.

.....

"Baby," she heard him moan and her hips rocked involuntarily at the sound. Traitorous body. "Come inside please. Don't make me beg."

She could hear the slight edge in his soft words. It was all an act. He would make her pay, this she knew. His love came like a two-sided coin: soft and sensuous, rough and deep.

She loved it all.

Yes, despite everything she loved the way he treated her. It made her feel like those college nights all over again, when she drove around at three in the morning with her friends, Blink 182 and Jimmy Eat World blaring through the speakers of her Jeep Cherokee. Those nights, with nothing but burger wrappers, endless cups of cappuccino, digital cameras, and best friends...those nights she felt reckless and wanton.

That same feeling, that realization of knowing she was alive, here and now, she felt the same way when she was with him. Those few hours she spent writhing underneath him as he ripped furious pleasure from her body meant so much to her.

She would give in.

She always did.


Hope you enjoyed that! Lots of other goodies in store.


Rock on!

---S

Oh Snap!

So, I finally broke down and decided to create a blog.

Actually the real deal is I have to design a blog for one of my graduate classes and I thought "well I should totally make one devoted to my writings."

Well, here it is. I'm going to try and update frequently. I say frequently and not daily because really, who the hell is that interested in my life?

I will also try and post my stories on here before I do so at Lit, so you lucky ducks who actually have the misfortune (cough, I mean extreme pleasure) of reading my fabulous musings can actually get a special treat. I promise to be exciting and an absolute blastey blast.

There will be discussions about music, new bands and songs that I like or just can't stand, movies I'm pumped for, guys I would seriously bone, and of course spankable hot erotica!

Haha, so thanks for sticking around. It's gonna be sweet.

P.S. I'm working on fixing this ridic template. It is so not me. I need it dark, with a lil' bit of that spice.


Rock on!

--S.